Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Talking To A Difficult Child

My oldest son had a behavioral doctor's appointment today.  As we were sitting in the waiting room, I was listening to a mother talk to her daughter.  The daughter was hyper, not very focused and talkative.  Alot like my son.  The mother's comments to the daughter made me sad.  She was speaking down to her.  Telling her she didn't know how to draw then proceeded to tell her how wrong everything she drew was and how someone else learned to draw better than that two years ago.  There were several comments like this during our time in the waiting room.  I hope that maybe she was just having a stressful day and didn't realize how awful she sounded.  I find myself thinking about how I speak to my child.  I understand being very frustrated with a hyper or difficult child.  My biggest flaw is yelling.  But I have made myself the promise that I will work on it.  I have days where I have to lock myself in my room to calm down so I don't say or do something I will regret.  But when I do come out of my room, I like to think that I don't say things that would damage my child's self-esteem.  Children are very precious and don't deserve to be put down for any reason.  Now having said that I know I have said things like "don't act stupid" or something of that nature.  I resolve to try harder, to be more patient, and to think about how my words will effect my child.  Talking positively and not putting your difficult child down should be a part of every day life.  Remember, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.  Children that are difficult generally aren't that way by CHOICE.  No one gets to pick the genes they are passed or how they are raised.   BUT you do have the choice in how You raise them and how you treat them.    I read a book a while back called Raising a Strong Willed Child by James Dobson.  I think its food for thought.   I also have his book Bringing Up Boys although I haven't read it yet.

Words sometimes hurt more than fists.